Dealing with Sibling Jealousy

Sibling jealousy can be a tricky emotion to handle. Before seeing it as a problem, we parents need to think about how to manage it. Understand your child and adjust your approach accordingly.

The main reason for jealousy is the desire not to share the person they love with someone else, and it stems from insecurity. When your child sees that the attention they used to get is now directed toward the new baby, they might get upset. Even though they show their frustration toward their sibling, their real anger and hurt are directed at us, the parents. They might feel abandoned, unsupported, and insecure.

Signs of Jealousy and How to Handle Them

When jealousy arises, you might notice some changes in your child’s behavior. They can become more irritable and aggressive. You might see regression in their development, like bed-wetting, wanting to be bottle-fed, baby talk, or even crawling. The more they see you caring for the new baby, the more they might cling to you and not want to go to school. They might hit or bite the baby and come up with plans like sending the baby to the neighbors, taking them to the hospital, or even throwing them away.

Before and during these moments, stay calm and try to understand your child. Here are a few tips:

Preparing the Older Sibling

Prepare your older child for the new arrival. Explain the concepts of being a big brother or sister and use educational books if needed. Talk about what’s to come and make plans together until the baby is born. Knowing what to expect can ease their anxiety.

Be Flexible About Sharing

Don’t make your child share everything with their sibling. They’ll already have to share the most important thing—their parents. After such a big sacrifice, don’t ask them to share their favorite toy, book, or chocolate. Forcing this won’t strengthen their relationship; it’ll weaken it.

Avoid Comparisons

Don’t compare them to each other. You might think competition will encourage them. Saying, “Look how well your brother ate his food,” won’t motivate them. It’ll just increase feelings of jealousy and anger.

Encourage Being a Good Sibling

Focus on them being a good big brother or sister, not on them being jealous. Don’t label jealousy as right or wrong. See things from their perspective. Instead of saying, “Why won’t you share with your brother?” or “Did you make him cry on purpose?” try saying things like, “You were so brave to stay with your brother while I made his bottle. He feels safe with you.” or “Thank you for giving your toy to your brother. You’re a great sibling.”

Show Empathy and Understand Their Feelings

Show empathy and acknowledge their feelings are real. Don’t be upset about the situation. Let them know you understand and assure them things will get better with time.

Being a second-time mom is truly an amazing experience. Preparing your older child for the new baby will increase harmony and happiness in the family. Be patient, value your child’s feelings, and find ways to navigate this journey together.